“You have obtained mail” and the story of Valentina and Stefano, between sexism, prejudice and social polemics – Corriere.it

C’ Posta per te, January 7, 2023 episode: That is the story of an interrupted marriage. It begins like this, from the mouth of Maria De Filippi, the story of Valentina, one of many 5 protagonists of the episode, a narrative that, since Saturday, has generated loads of criticism on the community. Beginning, for instance, with Chiara Ferragni. The accusations? Sexism on prime time TV, lack of respect for ladies’s picture, staging and normalizing a poisonous relationship.
Let’s attempt to perceive.
It begins with a plea for reconciliation and peace, because the core of the published predicts: I cry each evening as a result of I miss my husband, I miss him, my three youngsters miss him, I would like him to return dwelling.



If the wedding ended as a result of I cheated on my husband, I used to be satisfied that I used to be in love with one other man and wished to separate, however once I noticed Stefano packing, I understood that I really wished him. So Valentina went on TV to ask him to go dwelling. follows his story, the encounter with himwho accepts the invitation and arrives on the studio, the dialogue between them with the presenter’s interventions.

I used to be attempting to be excellent as a spouse, as a mom and as a housewife, I washed, cleaned, ironed, took care of my youngsters, raised them and offered my husband with a scorching meal each evening. Thus begins the story that Valentina entrusted to the presenter.

Since 2018 although, he has turn into more durable, each evening he all the time has one thing to say. And it will get worse: Stefano begins to deal with her badly, she thinks she is incompetent, silly and ineffective. Even in entrance of strangers.
De Filippi recounts the episode of a Christmas, with household and mates: chips fall from the desk, he tells her to choose them up, he replies, you do that, I am doing one thing else. Then he stamps them along with his toes and replies: Be taught to right away do what I say.
Then others are knowledgeable episodes during which her husband insulted and belittled her in entrance of the youngsters: as soon as, for parking mistaken, he threw the kid seat at her and referred to as her an fool.

Valentina informed him greater than as soon as that she did not settle for being handled like that, she even left dwelling for every week, he promised to vary, however then he by no means modified and the whole lot all the time began over the identical approach.

In April 2022 she meets one other man at work, at McDonald’s: a man who treats her with affection. They write, then they meet, a relationship begins. She thinks she has discovered the best man and, in June, tells her husband. He accuses her of getting destroyed the household and instantly goes to report the whole lot to her mother and father and in-laws who, in flip, criticize her. Valentina goes forward with the separation request. However when he really packs to go away the home in August, she realizes that is not what she needs. So she closes along with her new companion, asks her husband to remain, however he leaves anyway. From that second, begin a brand new type of relationship between husband and spouse: a couple of times every week he goes dwelling to be with the kids, then, when the kids are in mattress, they make love and he returns dwelling.

With you I grew to become a lady, spouse and mom Valentina tells him, barely holding again her tears, when she finds out from Maria that he sees via the display: they met when she was 16 years outdated. We lived our fairy story, we had great youngsters. So I screwed up by dishonest on you. As you recognize, we had a second of disaster, I did not obtain extra consideration from you, generally I felt humiliated… Your being so grumpy introduced me into the arms of one other. I screwed up, however I miss you. let’s return collectively

You made the error, you could possibly have considered it sooner. All the pieces was wonderful with me: we gave Communion to the kid, we purchased a canine… Stefano was powerful, curt and repetitive in his transient solutions: he insisted on phrases like guilt, error, error referring to her betrayal. De Filippi asks him concerning the interval when Valentina left and the way he was grumpy and offensive to her, however he would not appear to grasp: There are arguments within the household, no one is ideal, we battle over bullshitand after we argue, maybe we are saying issues…, he insists on the truth that he’s offended and on his open wound.

Stefano, pressed by the presenter, illustrates the division of roles of the couple the place, by the way, each labored exterior the house, even when she insists on indicating it just for 4 hours. When she obtained dwelling she cooked, ironed, did the laundry… And him? Perhaps I used to be on the sofa watching TV. And the insults? This fixed belittlement of her? I could have made errors too, however nothing in comparison with what she did.

What are Stefano’s emotions for Valentina now? Now I do not really feel something anymore. However then he admits that a couple of times every week he goes dwelling, has dinner along with her and they make love. However solely as a result of she insists and I am a person. Properly, nothing modifications. What about intercourse along with her? An outlet.

However now we have to come to some extent. I do know you are a good father, I do know you are a good mom, says De Filippi attempting to grasp the margins of a potential reconciliation. Stefano interrupts her: She was a very good mom. Then he made a critical mistake. I’ll by no means forgive her. In brief, he simply would not perceive and would not settle for that his abusive conduct might be the reason for his spouse’s estrangement and subsequently her dishonest.

Valentina now in tears: How will you get well? He, categorical, doesn’t go away the considered treason. De Filippi tries to remind him that the gorgeous moments of 16 years collectively are price greater than a foul month. And that anyway he continues to have intercourse along with her whereas he accuses her and says he would not love her anymore. Between Valentina and Stefano, a query and reply of Please… and No! begins: she begs and he performs powerful. She says let’s strive it, I do know you need it. He replies that is what you say.

Then, nevertheless, the presenter skilfully inserts herself into the breach left by the merciless Stefano, a person who considers his spouse solely liable for the top of his marriage, however with whom hold having intercourse with out having – he says – curiosity in different ladies, and launches the proposal: strive once more even staying in separate homes. Attempt to see if making like to her is not simply an escape valve, if there is a motive to save lots of this household.

Stefano accepts, opens the envelope. They hug. Or slightly, she hugs him, they go away. The top.

Within the days following the episode of C’ posta per te the criticism multiplied: profiles and opinion websites attentive to ladies’s rights and the subject of violence, influencers and authors with nice social repercussions: Clara Ferragni and Fedez, from their couch at dwelling, printed an article during which they invite Valentina to run away: he’s poisonous, and maybe due to them the controversy has grown. Carlota Vagnoli writer of Maledetta Sfortuna devoted to the topic of abuse and prejudice towards ladies, accused the Mediaset program of getting staged and justified an abusive couple relationship like all love affair. Many others identified how the episode conveys a stereotypical picture of girls throughout the household.
Other than the story of a damaged marriage right here, on nearer inspection, there is a kaleidoscope of errors.

Which couple emerges from this TV story? There are a number of points to think about. There’s a accountable husband, for years, of verbal and psychological violence who doesn’t know easy methods to acknowledge himself as an aggressor and considers his conduct to be regular, a basic of psychology, believes that his spouse is solely liable for the breakup, however now continues to discard her as if she have been a sexual object. There’s a girl who, one may reply, permits herself for use: in spite of everything, she invited him to a reconciliation on TV. Abused ladies discover it very troublesome to separate from their companion as a result of years of manipulation find yourself complicated thought and can. To not point out the ability of affect of the respective households: and right here it’s clear that his and her mother and father, inserted in a patriarchal household mannequinare weighted to extend Valentina’s sense of guilt.

This is the flaw: the theme of guilt clearly emerges from this story. sufferer blaming. Sufferer blaming, secondary guilt, might be outlined in a number of methods: the abused girl finally ends up being held liable for what she suffers. And within the case of Valentina and Stefano’s story, the truth that she is continually mistreated finally ends up not being seen as the reason for her operating away from him, regardless of De Filippi’s makes an attempt to make her husband perceive her duties.

Lastly, objectionable drive for reconciliation: it’s evident that the presenter, with the complicity of the viewers that generally applauds, generally laughs, helps the 2 to reconcile. Deep down they love one another, do not they? Though it was clear that his historical past is marked by abuse and mistreatment.

Social networks abounded invites to establishments and the political class to take a stand towards the transmission: a well-liked pop present, on prime-time TV, ought to pay extra consideration to the messages it transmits as a result of they find yourself feeding and justifying prejudices which are nonetheless ingrained. If the work to fight home violence is not only what goes via the courts, however before everything cultural prevention work this helps to undermine sure atavistic beliefs (concerning the roles and flaws of girls) this additionally worries anybody who offers with pure leisure like Maria De Filippi along with her profitable codecs.

As a result of it is exhausting to imagine that among the many authors of a strong present like You have Acquired Mail, the place an excessive amount of editorial work goes into constructing episodes and tales, there was no consciousness of the explosiveness of this story.

January 10, 2023 (change January 10, 2023 | 5:46 PM)

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